Inspired

I've been itching for a few days to sit down and write.  Typically the words need the time to fill the space in my head and spill out naturally.  I'm a thinker - reflection is a part of my day whether I like it or not and when there are big things going on, I typically need a second to let this mind of mine catch up and wrap itself around it.

My last 6 months have been a bit of a whirlwind.  A whirlwind, I know, I haven't been in charge of on purpose.  Over the years God has taught me to go with the flow - and just as the Spirit moves within us, God is never wrong. So, with all my type A, planning personality - I've tried with all my might to surrender everything and ask my fearless leader to lead me, walking a wobbly step or two behind like a blindfolded kid being steered in the direction of a treasure-filled pinata.

  ..And suddenly I hit that sucker.  I have come to this place where so many things finally add up- like treasures scattered around me and they make some real sense.  I say suddenly like all of it happened overnight.  It did not.  Over years I've taken my fair share of swings - just catching air with valiant effort.  I have been the reader of this story as it slowly unfolds, consistently wondering what is up - constantly wondering why this old soul, tender heart and busy mind combined in me exactly the way they have.  But as I've watched the process of God moving in my life, I am indeed amazed, yet again, by the magnificence of the Spirit which grows inside of us as we build our relationship with "the numba one stunna".  Again and again I am reminded of the vastness and capabilities of God and as much as I plan and fret, everything is already taken care of - just like the birds of the air...  and now I see the purpose.

With all these things on my horizons, I am learning to exhale the breath I feel like I've been holding for decades.  I realize, I don't need to hold my breath - I just need to breathe and be at peace.  Feeling a bit like a little girl who has just lost her training wheels on her first bike, I find this to be the ride of my life- exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time.  I know I've got a ways to go, but I'm finding my pedals and legs are connected already.

"We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring, will be to arrive where we started, and know the place for the first time. Through the unknown, remembered gate, when the last of earth left to discover is that which was the beginning;  At the source of the longest river, the voice of the hidden waterfall - and the children in the apple tree, not known, because not looked for, but heard - half heard, in the stillness between two waves of the sea.  Quick now, here, now, always. A condition of complete simplicity - costing not less than everything - and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well.  When the tongues of flame are in-folded into the crowned knot of fire.  And the fire and the rose are one." T.S. Eliot

The quote from T.S. Eliot I found while taking a creative writing class at Hong Kong International School.  It made sense at the time and fit my journey to China perfectly at 17 years old.  My first flying-solo trip and international flight alone. My first real starting a brand new school with all new faces.   All in one.  But the time away from home at 17 taught me so much about what I loved and needed - what it meant to really be home.  Reading the poem again now, it still applies because it makes me think of my own personal growth, the way my life perspectives have changed and developed over time - not just from the good things, but from the things that were the hardest hurdles for me to overcome.  Our sights change through our experience - like "Gold tested in fire"  we are God's constant projects and are being prepared for our own life's purpose before we are even aware of it.  God is keenly in tuned not only with our gifts, but also, with our needs. With all this preparation our insights and perspectives develop to see people, places and things in our lives which, likely, have been there - or at least nearby all along.

So, I'll leave you with some Alexi Murdoch so you can ponder your own journeys, plans, pinatas and bike rides.  Just don't forget where to find the air that fills your tires... and just breathe.

Love, love is all around...

When I was a kid, Christmas was quite possibly the most exciting day of them all.  Anticipation would build up in my half-pint insides as the prospect of our family Christmas party and open house would draw near - oh, and did I mention... Santa would definitely be making an appearance.  I knew from experience how special the celebration would be and what was in store for the evening's activities.  The neighbors would come, my cousins and Grandparents would come.  Everyone who was important in my life would be there.   What a day.  

Now, my Christmas time has shifted a bit and my grown up sentiments with the time.  Christmas is my time of rest - a few days off work and for this year, a few days in the great white North.  So typically it is surrounded with family and friends, as this year is no exception... I know, none of these ideas are super unique or intriguing for a Christmas-esque post... but just hold on for a sec.

So I would say it started a few months ago, when I was re-introduced to my buddy Dave Matthews and his little band, and their version of a Christmas Song.  A random mix from my iTunes pumped through my car speakers.  It was still warm outside as I listened to the words.  I had never related to the Christmas story the way Dave explains it - but he nailed it on the head - Everything that has to do with this season is about Love.  "Love, love is all around." - and why?  Because of a few extraordinary courageous moves by some folks God tapped on the shoulder.  

As part deux of this "tapping me on the shoulder" struck me at church on Christmas Eve - no, it wasn't the crazy rendition of Faith Hill's "A baby changes everything...." of which I was not so much a fan.. nah, baby nah - but there was another note the service touched on which struck a chord with me.  Read Luke 2: 1-23.  And this is what clicked in the mind of a twenty-something Project Manager, sitting at the very back of the church, crumpled in between my brother-in-law and a pack of strangers: 

"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."

So for me, I thought about what it means to ponder something between you and God in your heart. What happens when something unexpected and unplanned interrupts your version of the world?  Mary was visited by an angel who told her she would have a child - at an exceptionally young age, out of wedlock - during a time where this was hugely taboo.  On top of that, her boyfriend/fiance, Joseph - who was a sturdy, well-respected Carpenter, didn't just drop her like it's hot (in the words of Snoop Dogg).  He too had received some divine interventions from angels, though. This story paired 2 pieces of an almost impossible puzzle together to bring into the world a little Jesus baby. That is a miracle.  

I am a planner.  I am a communicator.  I like to know what is going on :)  But what God really asks of us is to leave the planning of our lives up to God - who is in every moment and every single detail, in the things I have not even thought about, planned for or had the chance, yet, to worry about; in the people who walk into our lives, the events that change it forever and alter our perspectives. 

And so with my whole heart I ponder my plans with God - the things that I want for my life and the things I expect, my hopes and fears - and I hand them over to the planner of the universe.   I have no control ultimately over any of these things and being so, I will surrender what I have control over, because it is not my plan I'm fulfilling.  And I should know by now, that my own plan sucks. :)  God's rocks my socks off - so I'll go with that one.  I'm looking for the miracle anyway, so I might as well go with the one who invented them. 

So for all of you, I wish you the happiest of times off, a little bit of rest, a miracle or two - and to remind you - love, love is all around.