i’ve been singing so much softer than i did back then...

This is one of the first times I have sat with my computer and don't have real direction as to where I'd like this little ditty to go.  The mind and heart connecting and driving my life is what my posts tend to revolve around.... music, perspective, inspiration... Captivating tid bits aaand song lyrics..

Try this one...
3 a.m. by Gregory Alan Isakov
... the last bit is my favorite if you make it to the end...

 ...I can't live without those things.  I can't live without the meaning in who I am and doing it on purpose.  Why would you want to?  I guess I've never really tried to do it any other way.  That doesn't make much sense to me - going through the motions that is.  I house within me a restless and wandering mind, impossible to tame, with new ideas, new dreams, new creative energy every day - this mind that crashes into a hopelessly flawed sentimental heart.  Blah.  Mush.  Yes, that is my ache-y break-y heart.  It's all about the passion and finding the beauty and the amazement of the little things - glimpses of something that might ordinarily pass us bye.  So, I've let the little things fascinate me. And for that same reason, I feel the need to explain myself to the world.

Sometimes this perspective can lead to a bit of misunderstanding for those folks who don't see the magical mystery tour of life the same way you do.  I think this is why I feel the need to explain - communicate - and maybe validate a bit of why I am the way I am.  My sister, for instance is much more analytical than I am.  She is a thinker - I am a feeler.  She was in AP Calc in college, I spent quite a bit of time in the Art building throwing pots. (There is educational value in pottery. :)  )  When she gets mad, she gets mad and yells.  When I get mad, I cry.  lol.  I. hate. that.  She's certainly not Stone Cold Steve Austin, but we certainly have had our moments of relating to things differently.  So, I have learned a bit of what it means to see it from her side, and she has learned a bit of what it means to see it from mine.

My sister asked me this last week a couple of big questions, which she does quite well being a couple years ahead..  What do you want - and What are you looking for?  Insert Duh Dun Dun here.  My response?  I don't exactly know, but I do know what I value, I know who I am and I'll know when I find it.

 I have seen glimpses of it... The thing that makes you turn your head, stop dead in your tracks and evaluate where you stand. So I expounded on the "what I'm looking for" with my sister... wouldn't you like to know? ;) But, there was a big piece that sort of surprised me when I put my finger on it.  The "get you" factor.

We all have moments of feeling like no one quite understands and you can feel like you are completely isolated in a sea full of people and faces that just don't get it the way you get it.  Yes, yes, I know we all have those moments every so often, and I guess I've always felt a little odd because of my quirky perspective.  But I think it's also one of those things that is a very unique part of what makes you exactly as you are.  The people you surround yourself with and the people you call beloved do they make every effort to see it from your side of the fence?

I have actually fought this "get you" factor within myself in relating to those who are important to me. If I don't understand and have no desire to understand, I will not budge from where I am in my perspective.  What does that say about my feeling towards that person?  But maybe it takes some time.  Maybe it takes communication.  I'II wait, and watch and get to know, and learn and hopefully from there, the understanding comes.  I want to know and understand the way your mind works and the way you see it and the way you relate. But the understanding will only come if I have the commitment to understand because there is value in that understanding itself.  It's foundational.  Can you actually see me for everything I am and could possibly be?

I believe this "get you" factor is more important than we think it is.  If you think about people in your life who you most value - Why do you value them?  Do they make you better, do they see you for the best that you are, know what you are capable of and inspire and encourage you to live up to that?  The best friends I have in my life know my strengths and weaknesses - they know my perspective, they know my heart, they know my talents and they know what I am capable of.  And they not only want the best for me, but they also accept me that way.  They let me breathe a little.  To think a little.  To say some terrible awful no good very bad things.  To say brilliant things...  They inspire and challenge me to be.  They call me out on my bs and are my sounding board for thoughts, ideas, feelings, confusion and frustration.  They see me for all that I am.

So I guess this miracle I am looking for is already all over my life -   like finger paints gone wild on a white piece of paper - and for that, I am thankful.  Hugely thankful, changed, challenged, ever moving.  And so God  with all the tricks up his sleeve is ever at it again.  I never quite know what he's doing or where I'm going, but I always know I am headed in the right direction - with fingerpaints and surprises round every corner.

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