This year was a big year. I have learned quite a bit about who it is I am becoming, what I want and the direction I am headed. I have set my sights. I will be (fill in the blank) - happy, strong, healthy... You name it, I want it. All the good stuff, anyway. No, seriously, you can fill in your own blank too :)
Direction is a funny thing - just like the wind, it changes with the discovery of who it is we think we are and then who we prove to ourselves we are in actuality. Sometimes we don't know what we're made of and sometimes we think that it can only be a certain way - for some things are all good and for others it may be all bad. For me, it's all about balance. I guess I have learned along the way, the ability to deal with and survive the bad stuff. But not to let the presence of the bad eliminate the good. Now when I encounter the good stuff my life experience knows that it is oh so sweet. I am learning to appreciate it when I have it in my hands.
So, in the midst of my ever present and evolving self discovery, I have come to realize I am in constant change. If I stop changing, if I stop becoming, if I stop growing especially in the direction I desire, it is only because I am somehow preventing myself from overcoming it. So this year, I am determined to get out of the way, change my own thinking and set my sights.... What exactly does that mean? No, I won't speak to you in cryptic undertones and riddles - but I'll shoot you straight and tell you the honest to God truth:
You are in charge of what you think - what you let yourself think, how you react, how you treat others, how you treat yourself and how you feel about who you are. (In case you want to check yourself - if you have a facebook or twitter, see what you've been posting over the last month or so... what are you thinking about? What do you want your friends, your family and the world to know you're thinking about?)
Changing my thinking is hard for me. For although I try my very best to be positive, I am a worry wort among other things :). I wake up at 4 a.m. with things on my mind. But ultimately, does my worrying at 4 a.m. accomplish anything? No. In fact, it makes me sick and tired the whole next day. So I start with myself and my own thinking... How do I think about myself, my life, my family, my friends and so on. That thinking has a trickle affect into the rest of my life.
We must learn to see ourselves clearly - the good and the bad alike to keep us propelling forward. To be better in the process. But also - see what makes us good as we are - as God made us an exclusive creative offer - one time only. What makes us unique and unlike anyone who has come before us? If we begin to see the value in who we are I think as a result your thinking towards yourself and others encounters a positive change as a result. If we continue to put ourselves, pure and earnestly into the people and relationships around us and think things will be good, can't they ultimately be good?
There is a quote by St. John of the Cross that says "Where there is not love, put love you will find love." Well, if you are the source of love, can't you simply generate it everywhere you go? Like your own little mini-sun. Our entire solar system follows around a big ball of hot gas because of the energy it expels. If you think about your life in the same way - everything that revolves around you - what if you simply changed your attitude or approach - what would happen to your solar system? What would happen to your own happiness? You are your own sun - radiate some warmth and as a result, see what grows around you.
example - I am in the age where my friends are dating, get engaged, get married and now are having little bambinos of their own. The other day I was talking to a good friend of mine who was telling me of her good fortune to reconnect with a handsome guy friend of her past. Her words to me were this - "Yeah, I just don't want to get too excited about it...I don't know what's going to happen."
Hold the phone. Why not? Do we ever know what's going to happen? Yes, heartbreak and heartache are some of the most difficult things we as humans bear over and over again. But, even in the midst of the most severe heartbreaks and heartaches of my life, I have never once regretted loving the truly wonderful happy moments. We survive so much. But to survive it means to also know when it is really good - so why not rejoice in it?
So that is what I told her - yes, keep your head on straight - but it is ok to be excited. In fact, you should be excited. Live it. We only get one shot- might as well make it the best one we've got.
Now, to ramble on, as usual, there are a couple tunes that have started hovering in my stratosphere.
When it don't come easy is a song written by Patty Griffin. In this case it's being performed by Keri Noble. It to me, captures a piece of true love - "when you break down - I'll drive out and find you. when you forget my love, I'll try to remind you - n stay by you, when it don't come easy" Goes straight back to my 1st Corinthians fav about love - it's patient and kind it is not jealous, or rude, or self-seeking. It does not delight in evil but it rejoices in the truth - it bears all things - it always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres... even when it don't come easy...
So peek over the edge - set your sights - change your vision - change your thinking, because you are the sun.