Every once in awhile I wonder what God is up to... Like I could wave a flag and call a penalty - Delay of game - What are you doing? ... This is not in the sense that the universe is being altered in some other solar system far away or how a shooting star does exactly that - and - how magnificent it is when I catch it. I have no doubt that the "God reach" can alter the earth and the stars and create some natural miracle to even help clean up the mega oil spill we so carelessly and easily made. The expansiveness of God never surprises me. It catches me off guard, but never surprises me. Why? Cause sometimes I forget that someone is paying very very close attention. Even when I think he is not - I know that everything being set into motion is not a mistake. Not. A. Mistake - and oh by the way, he is indeed is very observant.
My path, however, is filled with its ups and downs just like every person out there. Like each of us, there is light and darkness in my life. Light fills up our beings to the brim and this is what we hold onto - like laying in the sun, it leaves a tanline on your soul - warm, contented, healthy light that you carry with you. The darkness as a contrast to the light are our challenges, frustrations, fears, pains and finally our hurdles - these are what we are meant to climb over, dredge through and sometimes be piggie-back-rided over. (yes, I am aware that this is not an actual word. Go with it.)
I love my light. It has become a part of my strength for it encourages my resilience. It helps me make some spiked lemonade when I picked up a pile of lemons. It fills me to the brim and runs over again. I hope it spills off the table, onto the floor and over to the neighbors house so they can have some too. The light - as in every great story that's been told over the span of history, always battles the darkness. And darkness is everywhere - Interesting though, is that the darkness always seems to be outside.
I am a relatively happy and contented person. Always have been. My parents tell stories of a remarkably happy child, and oddly enough, I'm proud that this is my given disposition. Like God rubbed his hands together, put a sly smile on his face and said - yes, this one will be a little different. But lately I have hit this big fat wall of - what?! really?! Restless discontentment and frustration... I have always been mildly restless. I think it is what makes me think outside and live outside of the box. However, two very a-typical adjectives follow the first. I have learned to tame my restlessness, but the surprise of discontentment and the expansion of frustration were brand spankin' new. This is not the way I would describe my life, nor the outlook I would like to have. (insert no no no no no no no no here). :) Let it load. It's worth it... So, I am doing my battle with the darkness. This is my path and while I walk it I have to always remind myself... This is not a mistake and it really is kinda kick ass.
So - What do I know? - I know - My steps were carved out for me before I took my first breath. That is my unmistaken truth. Where I have been and where I am going are not a coincidence. No - there are too many interconnected pieces. Too much of a backend database attached for it to be a "user error". Too many unrepeatable instances of chance and coincidence that changed my life. I have had the chance to encounter people whose light has become amazing stained glass windows in my life even in some of the most brief and happenstance encounters. Having known and loved is not an accident. Do it purposefully.
To be honest, I'm not surprised that these feelings find themselves floating to the surface around this time of year. Fall has always been my favorite -- that is until a few years ago - fall of 2007. Now Fall is dark and holds an incredible weight. But like the great stories of history where the light battles the darkness, the darkness never wins. It will always be fought, and it will always lose, because the light can't help but draw out the goodness in every crack and cranny. Even the darkest night of the soul.
I don't know where you are. Maybe you're restless and wandering just a bit like I am. Maybe you know exactly where you are and where you belong. For those of you who are trying to figure it out as much as I do, I hope this makes you think about why you are where you are and how you got exactly here. And maybe it will coax you to do it on purpose. Whatever it is you're doing. Do it all the way. I hope pondering this puts your mind at ease and your heart at peace. Isn't that what all of us are really looking for anyway?
So on my path that is glittered with amazing friends and wonderful family who keep me on the road when I'm stumbling a bit - they remind me to look up. Stained Glass Windows fully lit. Sunrises. Sunsets. Harvest Moons. Christmas Lights. Fall bonfires. Those are my descriptives for you. Go forth and set the world on fire. ;)