My Myers Briggs has had me pegged (since I was 16) as an ENFJ. The better part of 10 years later, I'm still an ENFJ (Extrovert, Intuitive, Feeling, Judger) - say that 4 times fast...
In my college days, I consistently pondered anything ponder-able. My Junior year, while completing an assignment on Modern American Poetry, I stumbled upon one of John Mayer's lesser known songs called "New Deep". The lyrics wander the listener through a web of words that I have to admit I relate to. I often wake up at 3 a.m. with things on my mind - and there are definitely days where 3 a.m. has turned into 5 a.m. and I wish, more than anything that I could flip the switch and turn it off... I really do love to sleep. But one thing self exploration has taught me, is once you learn your strengths and weaknesses, you acknowledge the good and work on the less than stellar - translation: I am an open, yet conscientious "take it to heart-er" who sees a slightly quirky spin on some things... oh, and how I love people - I am a "relate-er." I getcha. Even if I haven't experienced it, the compassion for the situation is felt in droves and it is real. I often times feel as though people don't always know how to take or respond to me. Sometimes they do. When the understanding is there, it is immediately evident. When understanding is lacking, it feels like humidity - thick heavy and gross. Even so, I try anyway to peel back the humidity layers and figure out why. Why are you the way you are? It is like my own personal brain teaser. Often times there is a world of hurt or sometimes a bit of insecurity that rests just below the surface. I have found this in the body builder tough guys and go-getter business folks... we all carry a bit of it with us. Hurting makes us timid with who we are... I even functioned this way for an extended period of time.
Then one day I figured it out while standing in front of 40 kids between the ages of 8 and 15 - if I open up, share a little more of myself - maybe they will too. I took myself a little less seriously, sang funny songs, made crazy faces, talked with foreign accents - and delight spread across 40 faces... the bonus is that we got to sing at the same time. And the switch flipped - the group of kids in front of me grew into themselves. They owned their voices and, more so, I hope they learned to be a little more courageous with who they are. After all, that is one gift they gave me..
I have known for awhile now that I don't think and relate like everyone else. In my own way I guess I see it as being an original... I don't think, act, respond or process the same way, and this is innate - engrained in everything I am. It is not purposeful action. In tandem, I have tried to build myself a bit of a "radar" detector on a few of these less than stellar traits I have found in myself. But the facts are true - 5% of the general population has this same personality type.
I, like my buddy John, on any given day will have about 500 things to think about be-boppin' around in this little mind of mine. Work, family, faith, friendship, the absence of someone, love, the presence of someone, reactions of people, emails, letters, bills, conversations, the upcoming calendar, schedule and still manage to get everything done at the end of the day... Umm, except I forgot to fold my laundry.
This has been an interesting week. Pondering and processing through life hurdles has me a bit plum tuckered out in a few places and in these instances I find, writing it down to be the best means of digesting it. You see, this way it is not all swirling round like a spin cycle in my head... haha. I told you I had to fold my laundry... So my thoughts? My personality? Legit - reading my ENFJ profile I was surprised. Me, nutshell. Negative aspects - yes. I hurt, I get flustered, I get frustrated, my motivation sometimes flies out the door - but I always keep truckin' and I know somewhere along this road God is paving the path.